LETS ENTER 2008 WITH JOY!!!!!!!

Hi people i am so sooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry dat I av been AWOL but work n a couple oda tins been holding d remote control of my life. I will update very soon. Thank you every1 who dropped a comment or asked about me and wished me a merry xmas - Onome, sherri,T. Stephens, Pamelastich, Lindwee, SoloD, Nyemoni,Ubong, Kreativemix, Obinwanne, Ms. emotions, Oracle, unnaked soul, princessa, Ibo dude,Ugo D and Hopeful B.
Bloggers wats ur new year resolution? Share with me, if u wanna.
Wish u all a fantasticly, intresting and successful 2008. Luv u all!!!




ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT, American writer

Sometimes I need what only you can provide, Your absence.


ANONYMOUS

· Anytime I feel like exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
· Eating plenty of onions and garlic might help you live longer- but you’ll probably die very lonely.
· Inside me lies a skinny woman crying to get out but I can usually shut her up with cookies.
· I am not the man I used to be, so why should I have to pay all his debts.



FIVE REASONS ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED @ WORK;

· it is an incentive to show up.
· It reduces stress.
· It leads to more honest communication; employees tell management what they really think and not what management wants to hear.
· It increases satisfaction because if you have a bad job – you don’t care.
· It eliminates holidays, because people would rather come to work.

ROUTINE- YUK!!!!!!

Recently, I found out that I am stuck in the space continium of daily routine. Monday - Friday wake up 5.00am, go to work, eat, come back home, eat and sleep. Saturday hang with my man utd, neighbour and then sunday sometimes go to church then get ready for d coming week and start d boring drill all ova d hell again. AGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have had it with my predictable days, what happened to d days wen i used to go watch movies, club, hangout, visit friends, go to shows, even rent movies, make beads, write poetry etc etc (I didnt av so much $$$$$). Or those days my friend and I will dream of having our cars and we would go to the beach, spend a weekend at the hotel, travel for fun, go watch more movies, infact just have fun days and when we actually felt like staying home we would laff and remember the days gone by. I mean me sitting at home 4 friday nights in a month? Someone just hang me!!! Instead d car came, we stopped going out to movies or even clubs etc. I mean we had little money before but we would up and move into town and make sth of ourselves (feel good to a tedious week) rather dan wat we do now- sit at home and wish for tins n den beat ourselves up about where we went wrong n tins we dont have.
It sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has zero % to do with age. Infact allowing age hold d remote control has tarred the road for one boring journey to life. I'm gonna do sth and I am going to take any1 who wants to hop on d wagon to change, whatever the type of change will be {even if it has to be sewing classes LOL}.
People take a look at your lives and see if u r stuck in d 5th dimension of "s%^**y routine". It has nothing to do with d money in ur pocket; sometimes all u need is d right motiviation A.k.a YOURSELF!!, a friend or two or more, positive thot and a few oda tins (positive tins) and you are breaking d yoke of a drabby life and ready to giddy yahh into happier days.

NOTE ; Why stay and worry about anything when you have God the father to cast all ur fears n worries on, all he wants you to do is have faith and then talk to him. You can just say "Father, Pls I need U. Can U hold me and kiss my pain away. (Say wat ur problem is) . I know U will make EVERYTHING WONDERFUL!! Thank U Lord!! In Jesus name I pray-Amen."

BLOGGERS ADVISORY: DO NOT DRNK AND DRIVE before una say na me tell u to have fun memorable days. If u check am, wen u drink too much n den u jam yasef enta palaver [aka accident,unsafe sex,ova speeding etc], u no go fit make new happy days. So make u carry sense enjoy ya sef, shogbo bloggers!!

Crushes!!!

Now growing up I recall the no. of crushes I had (white, black, celebrity, boy in airforce school, brother's friend, sister's friend etc). As kids and sometimes adults we were always nursing that thot, hope, butterfly and daydream that ur prince charming or for guys the lady who floats and hasn't got her feet on the ground will at least smile our way.

I was a hopeless day dreamer as a kid I had a crush on..... Tyson Beckford, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Captain Von Trap (D guy in sound of music), Luther Vandross, Patrick Swayze, Eddie murphy, David hasselhoff, Billy Ocean, Ronny, Bobby, Mickky and mike (Yes! the band new edition), Johnny Depp and so the list goes on. And though I always knew there was no chance on planet Jupiter and the 3rd dimension that I would ever meet them, I burned a candel with a tinsy winsy bit of hope.

Then came the normal brodas that I was sure I could see and stood a higher chance of being involved with but I was way too young. Then as years passed there was 1 of my bro's friend that I had a crush on since Jesus was in secondary school, his name was Eddy. Oh!!! someone give me an AMEN!! in all languages cos d bro was ouch!!!!! He was about 5ft 11", Fair, nicely built and had grey eyes. I would av runaway with him If he asked me to but he neva did but I would catwalk, wriggle my skinny jones body and be so polite and helpful when he came visiting. Eddy always held my hand and called me "Lil' Sis!" cos he was my eldest bro's mate (who happens to be 10yrs older than I am). Now one day in 2002 wen I was serving I ran into Eddy and he is looking at me with bigger eye cos e don reach like 9yrs since him see me, omo guy no believe say skinny jones don turn to big girl ( i no too get curves but at least I don get extension for front n back + I don de talk mature n not like mumu I de behave like yrs ago). He was complimenting me like e just get anoiting for d job and I was sure d man de trip for me, well he started sending me recharge card, visiting my bro's house, calling, wanting to be my personal chaperon and then one day the words came "Gal u av grown so much and watching u dese few weeks has made me realise that u r a Lady and d kind I want to settle with. Wat do u tink about u and I as a couple?"

Words since 19 gogoro I don do fasting and prayers for as a kid and now see me , see him and ... and.... there were no fire works, singing choir or heavenly crowd applauding. I looked at him and he still looked OUCH!!!! but I was not able to give d reply I had practised yrs back. I asked him his age and he told me 33 going 34 (in my head d calculation no gree me hide d shock on my face cos he was 11yrs older, that difference I know fit do). I told him it was a sweet thot but like I had told him I was in a relationship and I was happy (no lie I was), Eddy's grey eyes close and den I saw crazy Eddy. The guy begin to hit hand for bed, then he got up punched wall and scattered his table and turned to me and said "but u've known me for yrs, ur boyfriend is yoruba and ur bro and I av bn friends, I am a better person". I had to do a quick turn around and said I didnt see it from dat view and he had thrown a new light to d situation and I agree with him, it was then Eddy calmed down. I den told him I needed to go home and tink of how to end it with my boyfriend so we can start our courtship, he agreed and as he offered to drop me I said I needed to go on my own cos he looked tired.

Well I neva spoke to him again, I did a major blanking of my one time crush but I was polite wen I saw him in my bros house. That was 1 crush dat went terribly wrong and till this day I wondered if he tot I was blonde and would be bullied into his arms, well dat 1 concern am. I still av crushes but now I prefer to keep it in my head but the celebrity crushes keep increasing in no. cos I know say I no go see dem lai lai to lai lai!!

Now who were ur crushes wen growing up? Did u eva get to meet celebrity or normal crushes?

Homecalling.

I moved to St Louis College from Command Secondary School and I was in J.S.S. 3a. I made friends with my classmates and a few with the other arms, but my best friend was in J.s.s 3b her name was Busola.O. We were like sisters and our friendship went on for 15yrs until saturday the 20th of october 2007. I can't believe she would av just gone like dat but its true. I was so sure it was untrue dat i called her bro n he was crying but to convince myself, I called her fone and den her landline and den her husbands mobile and dats wen it was sinking in. I got all my pics and poured it out, den selected her wedding pix to be sure who de r talking about. We were going to start a biz togeda n she called me last week tuesday for somethings and promised calling over d weekend to find out about my research and den know wat to send, but instead of busola's call I hear my girl is dead. How? Why? When? We were like two peas in a pod, I mean we call ourselves sisters cos she is d only girl. I spent my vacation in the uk with lily and den I moved later to her house and finally met my godson(who is now 1yrs old). We both did Bsc Geography and my bday was 29th aug n hers was 1st Sept and this year we were going to celebrate our 3 birthdays togeda but my boss didnt let me go and now my girl is gone? She was going to be two yrs in november being married and expecting her 2nd child by febuary and I hear she is gone. Wat of our promises, we promised to be each odas chief bridesmaid. I was hers and now she wont be mine? She was not to go anywhere till I am ready to get married, but it seems she is stone cold in a morgue? She has cheated me, cheated her son (my godson), her husband, her unborn child, her 2 brodas, her parents and all who care for her. At 29 wat d hell is ur hurry? We had issues to deal with and not for u to run off!!! I know i am so angry dat u r gone, I know I should be happy dat u r with our God and at peace but den wen do we all stop crying? I've been so scared to stay alone, I cant stop seeing u in my head? I've been crying since saturday and d tears wont stop. I went to church today and I axd God to remove my anger and be happy for u but .......... I can't believe u r gone dear, wat r we all gonna do now?Ur call is important on my bday and now u wont call me and I guess I cant call u? She is so beautiful, a real black beauty, caring, funny, crazy and....... now gone!!!


I'm not angry, I cant be, I am just sad dat u didnt fight to stay. Azuyi and now u??!!! I'm really sad u didnt stay. I'll check up on Tireni and Ade often-I promise. U too better check on dem too. You know the last words I said on our last call - I Love u and dat will neva change. I miss u and forgive me if I get angry sometimes, but its just cos....


Rest in Peace sister and say nice to God about us while u up there ok!!!

AGE

Age has grayed my hair
With a wisdom from my youth
And the feeble legs that lift me
is no match for my concrete heart.
Better judgment is like a fable
as experience is a lesson never learnt.
Religion is the great rehabilitation
that our souls rarely visit but,
what has age really done for me?
Multiplied my curiosity
Added to my conquest
Divided my attention
Whilst subtracting my intelligence.
And yet if I passed through life again,
I would surely do everything the way it is today.

ABC's

ACCOMPLISHMENTS: well...em....i got my place and a moto and... etc etc (i wonder wat etc is?) BIRTHDAY: August 29
CONFUSED ABOUT: men.
DRINK YOU LAST HAD: red wine
EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Myself
FAVORITE MUSIC/GROUP/BAND:Last night/
GOOD OR NAUGHTY: hmm... I'm naughtily good (I say dats a sentence)
HOMETOWN: Orlu, Imo State
INSTRUMENT: I love the guitar (but can't play)
JOB POSITION: Customer Support Officer
KILLED SOMEONE: HELL NO!!!
LONGEST CAR RIDE: From Jos to Imo state (Naija)
MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: strawberry (but water is better)
NUMBER OF PETS: none
ONE WISH: that i could own my own successful business and be a social butterfly
PERSON WHO YOU LAST TALKED TO: the companies's sick accountant
QUIET OR LOUD: Most people would probably say Loud but i'm really quiet.
REASONS TO SMILE: God, my family, manutd, friends SINGLE: Nope
TIME YOU WOKE UP: 5.09am
UNDERWEAR: I wear them
VIOLENT: physical - no, but my thots are very explosive.
WORST HABIT: I am d queen of scattered-dom
X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: my tooth
YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL: dogs but puppies to be precise
ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo

ITS MINE!!!

Yes there she is...my beauty!!!! I tink she is ...(sob, sob) the proudest lil' girl any1 can buy from squeezing an account. (Wen i am a social butterfly and a biggggg girl i'll buy my one true love Landrover jeep(star struk!!!))

I've been cruising the 3rd mainland bridge since monday morning and today, I felt no jitter - wat i mean is usually wen i get to the office i av a little fear thingy were I hold my breath from home to d office and then wen i finally start breathing, I've lost my voice. Yep, I de fear small small but e no reach to piss for body. Today I felt good about driving my baby and this evening as I cruise the highway homebound, the song in my head will be "They see me rolling, they hating ....bla blaa try to catch me riding dirty repeat 2ce....etc. "

Now I got a moto d next tin on the list is knowing the roads of lasgigi and paint the town plum ..uhh.... sassy!!!!

Thanks manutd (U know what for)

He Didn't forget.

I wake each day to his rotten breath
of excessive liquor and cigarette smoke
as i pick myself up to composure
and anger mingled with disgust chokes me
as I recall a time when things weren't so.
By day he's got a job quite alright
and a hobby for the night,
if its not the booze or the smoke
then it's my silent cries for the moment
to have never happened at all.

This revolting pile of shit
was once a prince and then my king
but somehow I lost his highness
to the stupidity and disgust of irresponsibility.
It's a question - Why do I stay
and outside the window lies my freedom
but it's hard to explain to you all
that after it all,
he hasn't forgotten to tell me every night
that he LOVES me very, very much.

{Fiction}

28

My birthday was on the 29th of August and I turned a good 28!!! yEP I AM OFFICIALLY THREADING THE THIRT' ROAD. Its nice getting older and I thank God I have achieved somethings in my life but as usual a couple of things still need to be crossed out of my list.

A couple of things didn't go well for my birthday *My Man U wasn't in town. *My boss didn't approve my leave and I couldn't travel. *I missed my godson's 1yr old birthday. *My account was cruising a top rate of N1,000.00= (Yep, I kid u not cos i calculated not being around so i would av been safe). *My colleagues were barking snacks n all but then i realised that everything happens for a reason (sadly I didn't see reason until 11am).
The number of calls I got were unbeliveable and so were the txt and chats from the conglomerate of reach-out networks (aka Hi5,Netlog,Facebook,msngr,skype etc). I didnt think I had a lot of friends but I was proved wrong that day. I cherish well wishes than present cos it kinda makes me feel ssoooooooooo loved. I did get a couple of gifts- moneywise; which was like a complete blessing to me. I sailed through the day smiling and floating on the love of ALL my well wishers.

I also had my make-up expert neighbour (If u need her services buzz me n i hook u up) do me up and i took pictures the day before my birthday to mark the end of being 27, it was a blast clicking away (Loved it)+ d dearie baked me a cake too. It has been a point of duty for 3yrs running to get myself a present and this year was to be the trip to uk but I decided to fast track my car project and I should be a member of the traffic clique by early next week. Pictures of my lovely bat-outta-hell moto will be posted soon.

Ok..... work calls but To all the fantastic people who wished me well, GOD BLESS YA ALL!!!! I am still dancing.

Sweet Petals For You.

Out the back door
into the garden
I have laid a carpet
of pretty yellow petals
on your path to walk upon.

In the elysian garden
I call our special place
your throne is covered
with lilac coloured roses.

As its sweet perfume intoxicates you
and your eyes are closed in comfort
I will kiss your lips softly and slowly
so my full nectar will fill you.

Let me guide you to my cottage
weaved from lilies of the valley
which were specially picked
for an occassion such as this.

Secluded from the world
we are in a wonder of our own
where the darkness covers us
as the light within us shines.

In the room filled with candles
scented with sweet hopes of spring
there's a bed I have laid
with sweet petals for you.

Becos I love you and you love me
our bodies will come close as it was streamed to meet,
as time stands still
and the door shuts everyone else out
only you and I will know
what went on
as I gave sweet petals for you.

Borrowed questions but my answers!!

I am …slim
My ex-boyfriend was …an IT consultant
Maybe I should …walk naked (I tink its a nice liberating idea-shave 1st though)
I love …moneeeeyyyyyyyy (All d tins i' ll do and places dat i'll go to . ahh!!)
I don't understand..... mathematics
I lost my....
My current boyfriend is …a 4-eyed sweetheart
People say I'm ….sturbborn
Love is …d biggest mystery of all time (and we can die to have it)
Somewhere, someone is…giving birth (ohhh... d pain)
I will always... want...want.....something
Forever is.... closer than I think
I never want to… be ALONE!!! (no one eva eva wants dat cos.. it hurts)
I think the current President is…. yet to show his real colours
When I wake up in the morning…. I say Thank u Jesus!! ( I gotta cos some ple didnt wake up)
Life is full of… surprises (sometimes i wonder if i'll eva be truly prepared for it)
My past is incredibly…. em... good memory for my old age
I get annoyed when…. a simple issue is made complicated (and blown out of proportion)
Parties are for...relaxing
Girls are ...the 8th wonder of the world
Sex is…. hmmm....... one of the key elements to life (rmbr dis is my thot)
I wish... I didnt make myself worry so much
Tomorrow I'm going to….. try to take ova d world!!!(actually, i got to be at work again)
I really want some…moneyyyy (i can really do some good with it,besides splurging on trips n etc)
I have no tolerance for people who…. are greedy,stingy,mean,self centred, sneaky,manipulative,unjust,unfaithful...(em.... i tink dat will do, for now)
If I had a million dollars... I would give 10k to different orphanages,50k to my family,5k to party with my friends,500k in fixed accounts, and some oda cool stuff but surely travel by air and sea look i am dizzy with d thot.oh!! i will quit my job and start my own biz.
My job makes me…. alert (and a bit irritated, but i like it)

I saw this on Tyger's blog and politely borrowed it. The answers are mineeeee!!!

GOOD TRAINING

"U r always on d fone" I scream,
wen it chokes me after 1hr of watchin u
and to tink i just blew my top at u in public.
Wat i really meant to say was far more suttle
but now dat doesn't matter
'cos i'll be getting a fist of good training at home.

U don't love me anymore and I can tell
but den again so can our maids in d house
as they listen to my best play of shakesphere's
new drama 'Thy love is my pain.'
D fustration wasn't from d 2yrs of no kids
cos now d twins r part of d refrees who shout foul play.

These nice versace shades
r among d best things u've gotten me
so wen i'm out by day its nite to my swollen eyes.
I look at myself naked wen u r off to work
to see d craftmanship of ur good training
and a love my mother says must be "Till death do us part".

Yes She Is.

Light showers of rain
outline the beauty that maketh a woman
as she dances to the beats of her lyrical voice.

One day the joy of puberty
will be repead in a dream of 9 moons
as screams of bitter sweet pain will bring a tear.

Her back will be the bearer of stories
as the threads on her forehead
are interlaced with memories that a generation will hear.

Is she not beautiful?
As a cloud upon her head
draws a picture to the end of the festival called life.

Yes she was in the august rain.
Yes she was in the sweat of childbirth and
Yes she is withered and gray in her mahogany casket today.

FANTABULOUS EVENING!!!!!!!!!

Yep!!! It was yesterday evening at the Thisday Music Concert. Yep!!! I repeat again, A REALLY FANTABULOUS SHOW!!!!I will try to ignore the fact that they took FOREVER!!!! To always bring out the next artist but whenever I heard them on stage, I was screaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and of course now I have a D. J scratch fanatic sexy voice and sexy sleepy eyes. Now the show was to be a cast of both the American ati 9ja Artists but due to some circumstance that I did not investigate; the two day show became a one day show + many of my 9ja people no come perform. Sorry for them but awesome for me… Yippy!!
Shakira, John Legend, Rhianna {a.k.a Reehina – duly taggered by the MD of a certain gemlike called bank (my opinion - Soooooooo embarrassing) },9ja’s own Tongolo master “He is D-Banj”, Kelly Rowland (I know we all hope she is doing aiight after wat happened), Sasha (the only female rapper that was on the Trybes men!!), den my love P. DIDDY! And the closing act was Ne-Yo.
The artists that didn’t make the spotlight = Mode 9, P-square, Asa, Tuface, Timi (idols W.A winner) and I think UB40 – well I not know if they mysteriously performed and I missed it but em….. I not see the red, red, wine reggae pop band. Did I mention P.Diddy performed? Oh yea! If you look at the 11th line, and the 14th word of that sentence, (if you count exclamations, bracket and coma). I am only sad about one thing, Diddy didn’t sing “Last Night”, oh!! How I just looovvveeee that track.
Sha!! I got to hand it to THISDAY Newspaper for putting together the show and the artists that come to perform (even though I recognise its part of my N$£ that brought dem in- I am IBO and must account for the disappearance of my hard earned naira & kobo), its really lovely to be part of the crazy experience & like my love will say “I’ll do it again!!!”
Lest I forget I also need to big up my 9ja people who dress to the teeth to look like MTV ballers, supra models (not a mistake in spelling nor is it a beefing implication) and kids who stayed awake way past dia bedtimes + the workers who stayed up (my category) and yelled like they had no work to go to, nor d drab/sleepy look on a Monday morning : Much respect to you all!!!! And I apologise to all those I called and made dem go through that excruciating noise, its a bad habit dat I have to draw people into my euphoria. Oh!! That girl, who Diddy called up on stage (among others), and she hugged him like a kazillion times-from my perspective… I just want you to know I’ve got my eyes on you, so you better watch ur back.
I am so glad my friend and cousins went along with me (Hemba dear, I know you wanted to be dere) and for those people who didn’t think I should have gone and tried to talk me out of it – yea u know urselves… I gotta say WAKE UP and LIVE!! Don’t be stingy to urselves cos
WE ONLY GOT ONE LIFE TO LIVE, enjoy it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got work to drag myself through, l8r!

Where is the wrong?

It’s been a while since I blogged and I used the vacant time to think. Its kinda weird sometimes that you go thru life and most of ur decisions and actions, u confidently categorise it as “right”. I’ll break it down – I’ve realised that I am strict with people I care about and with others I am more sympathetic and soft in actions or words. I don’t get the idea to this but I’m gradually realising that this is and has been a dark cloud over me and God knows there is a fee I am paying.
In relationships (yep this is the direction that I was heading for from the start) you av to be sensitive and caring + patient and cool tempered; according to the story books but I am a bit far from that, I’ld estimate 3 miles far. If you ask me of my past relationships n how I behaved in them, this would be my response {I was/am so so loving, giving, sensitive, only a bit temperamental, a little impatient, a good listener, supportive but mostly misunderstood-why I just don’t know). Now this last weekend with a little influence, I got on a self evaluation wagon and rode myself on a TRUE journey to my past, this time I looked at it from the Y chromosome perspective. All the times I thot I was d bomb of a girlfriend, I was really a bum of a girlfriend cos most of my actions, no I’ll take dat again – 90% of my actions were without complete consideration for the Y (pls note that Y refers to my past unfairly treated men).
My intention was to listen to them – My action was I listened to my own voice faithfully.
I wanted to be caring & passionate -My caring/sesitivity was d size of 2 mustard seeds but my passion was sooo fully covered.
Was I sturbborn? - Undoubtdly and highly annoying, enuf to be murdered.
Did I give? - I gave sometins in d line of anger, a little moody silence, a few occasion of gifts (I wasn’t dat bad) and a lil’ humour.
My point is wen do we admit to carry some of the blame in relationships and even friendships? When do we say I was wrong!! We must realise that our thot and wish for relationships are not the same as the other party and so wen two people come together they av to form a conglomerate of ideas. We must learn to be understanding of other people’s dream of being a couple, dia shortcomings and even dia mistakes unless we will continue to look for perfection in a person dat is IMPERFECT.
People we love will always be wrong if we don’t believe that de r human n also fallible as so we r too. I didn't make some sacrifices cos I wanted to feel wanted/special and think back in yrs to come "he loved me so much dat he ALWAYS came to me, no matter where". I should av thot he wanted the same too, so meeting him halfway could av made us both special. Not avin d guts to admit we r wrong during or after is a problem that could always be d loose hinge in ur relations with people. I wish I could av done sometins right by some people and I feel bad to av been so self centred and inconsiderate, thank God I’ve got a chance to stop knitting the pattern of my past in the design of my future by being more mindful and reading dem cosmo, ivillage for guidance (cos I no go lie u dem got some romantic tins wei person{e.g both sexes} go fit add to man-woman experience). This is quite some hard work, but if u really like someone (+ love d person) then I think its sometin to really work on or one day the hard work will be on trying to stop urself from being desperate and lonely.

I sat by the bar
drinking my 3rd glass of red wine
and then you walked into the joint.
My eyes locked on you and followed your walk to me
I was 80% over my intoxication margin
So my eyes followed you like a moving target.
The prey that would make my hot blood turn cold
When doors close and we make animals of the night
As my adrenalin rushed a sweat btwn my heated thighs.
You placed yourself on the bar stool and sized me up,
and ur greeting I replied with a muffled growl
cos my body ached for the unceremonial event the night held.
You took your time and ordered 3 shots of brandy
Then you put your perspiring left hand on my thigh as your right hand traced my face.
I was shaking, cursing and near desperation to ignore decency
And as a test you leaned in for a kiss to see and feel my face flushed with blood vessels.
I needed some contact and you played me sensually like a guitarist serenading a crowded room of ladies
wanting to be the strings and feel the macho of ur fingers
but you pulled away and stared at my tilted hanging face with closed eyes and parted lips
Ready to be drawn into a novel romance of passion.
I finally got myself out of my suspended stupidity when I heard 'we have to talk babe!'
Emm... he's neva said this before, but then again i've neva been tipsy so there is always a first-
I dreamy eyed a sentence and realized 'so sexy' is not the same as my thot to say 'so speak'
but heck who cares, not him cos he emptied his glass with one gulp
and then my state of high backed into a 25% zone cos this looks serious.
Sitting up straight and supporting my heavy head to look conscious and serious
I zeroed out the sound of pple around and the raunchy voice in my head to listen to him
and the words went on and on and on but his lips moving made me tingle and giggly in my head
but later I seemed to find the path to be sobered,
gradually I feel a quench to my fire and a squeeze on my heart.

My brain seems to be sending some codes, its like a translation
and I understand his body language, no eye contact and the flat tone in his voice
Oh men!!! This can not be happening to me, I'm surely on a 150 margin-certified DRUNK.
My heart is racing..... I'm shaking and there's a tide building in my eyes,
“JESUS!!!” I say, trying not to blink so my swelling eyes don't crack the dam
“Are you okay” he asks, “ yea, I usually shout Jesus when I’m excited that someone is trying to give me the boot and not having the courage to say it straight” I replied. He covers his face & smiles
now am fuming cos the jackass thinks I’m some form of joke.
“Hey! ... Hey!! Bartender, get me some Vodka. !!” that’s me leaning over the bar and yelling,
“Look Quasimodo, I'll love to sit and hear the drum roll, then the final words and the reverse speech of -it's not you, it’s me shit; but I gotta use the ladies pronto! Please try not to be here when I come back with my ruptured heart and sore eyes to drink myself to therapy, but if you do have more knives and the guts to stick it in my heart than my back, then baby by all means stick around.” With those words blazing off my lips I made a proud warriors match to the ladies.
(Believe me-I only stumbled 2ce and bumped into 5 people on my match)
Standing in front of the mirror I let my memory play the 3yr relationship
I struggled not to see the negative in the past years or the last 1hr 30mins,
Reapplying my eye shadow and lip-gloss before I re-enter the real world....it.....it trickled.
Seeing a tear roll-down my cheek and then touch my shoulder
made me look at my reflection again and I saw into my heart, it was shriveled n weak;
At that moment I felt I DIED.

I saw this and i loved it.

A lil' humor

ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT, American writer

Sometimes I need what only you can provide, Your absence.


ANONYMOUS

· Anytime I feel like exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
· Eating plenty of onions and garlic might help you live longer- but you’ll probably die very lonely.
· Inside me lies a skinny woman crying to get out but I can usually shut her up with cookies.
· I am not the man I used to be, so why should I have to pay all his debts.



FIVE REASONS ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED @ WORK;

· It is an incentive to show up.
· It reduces stress.
· It leads to more honest communication; employees tell mgt what they really think and not what management wants to hear.
· It increases satisfaction because if you have a bad job – you don’t care.
· It eliminates holidays, because people would rather come to work.

I'm a bit bored in the office.

REST IN PEACE

Some real sad news came to me last night. A girl who I attended secondary school with has been kissed by death. Today, the news about her death is worse than the mild news I got last night, it seems she died from wat many call a figment of the imagination, a disease that does not exist or made by man - yep, its AIDS!!!!!!!!!!

She got married at a young age and is the only child of her mom + she her self is a mom. We both finished school in in '96 and soon after got hitched to some big guy from the northern part of 9ja. We werent like two peas in a pod but we did know each oda some bit and she was a jolly girl. Saddly her marriage was no smooth ride cos we heard tales of her hubby's infidelity. It was so outta hand that he did it in their home and on their bed(How completely disrespectful,cruel and shameless could he av been). An old school mate told me d burial is tomorrow but wen i asked wat she died of and I got smacked with AIDS the cause of death, believe me wen i say I closed my eyes and imagined her pain. Her hubby died of AIDS a while back so its a sure deal wat fate befell her and it breaks my heart to think of the sad journey to her end. 1st being so cheated and heart broken. 2nd seeing her hubby die from aids. 3rd finding out she had it. 4th Watching herself go through the stages of d diseases. 5th Knowing her Kid will have no parents. Maybe even a couple more issues She only knew.

Why do we hurt ourselves. If he knew he wanted to cheat or had AIDS then why the %^@* did he pass it to her? No one says you really got to be married, i mean people will talk weda u marry or not. Who is going to console her mom/friends and importantly her kid? Why are people so calculatedly wicked? Heck, we r all going to the Maker someday but did she have to loose her life in a long and painfully excruciating disease? Was her evil getting married/trying to make her marriage work or sleeping with the man she vowed to love in the prescence of God? Does love in sickneess and health,for richer or poorer & till death do them part really av to be followed literally? Questions will continue to make my mind work overtime as my racing pulse fuels an anger for people (men & women) who are victims of lawless LOVE, but will it bring Sarah back? Unfortunately, it won't and all I can do is say a prayer and wish her safe passage to the other side.

For love gone wrong, for relationships with a violent,sad and unfair end and most especially you girl, even though death kissed u to sleep, I pray these angels wake u to the peace and joy of Eternal Life.(RIP)

Goodbye!!

Stay With Me

I'm quick to words
and my actions seem tough
don't think that i'm a super hero
becos I need you to stay with me

I could fly to rome,
catch a train to paris
and stretch out on a cruise to the carribean
but everywhere would be empty
'cos I need you to stay with me

When it's that time of the month
and my hormones make me hot & cold
as the days roll by and
I'm a different woman from who you
fell in love with, don't walk away
Please stay with me

In my dreams you're my white knight
and I'm a damsel who loves you so
but as my eyes kiss the morning sun
and you look just like a regular 'Man U' fan
I smile at the tricks reality & dreams
sometimes play,
but my heart is
always glad to know
that u & I are staying together.

Thank you 'Man U'!!!!!!

Hidden Demons

I tink of myself as a very down to earth person,calm, with a good sense of humour and a great love for the outdoors. I tink I can pass for a cool person but recently I saw some other me that I thot I had control over. I've always known my anger can get out of control especially wen I have been surpressing some issues and then wen I cant file anymore shit I simply and literally explode!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I file away things that people don't want to address, there comes a faithful day that I explode. I have tried to school myself to deal with it better but on some occassions- WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! its like I say 'Flame On'( like the fire guy in fantastic 4) and I feel the fear in the next person. People whohaven't seen me really upset ask me if I ever get angry and when I tell them that's something they should pray not to see, they tink its a joke. Its sad that I've tried and really tried to keep it out of my life but, it springs up and I cant hold myself. It feels like my heart is about to pop out of me and runaway from fear of getting cooked.

My question is how do you hide your demon and keep it out of sight PERMANENTLY? I hate myself an hour after I burn, its a spirit of disappointment cos I let it take over me. I dont want to be avoided like a plague cos they wonder wen the volcanoe is going to blow!! If there are tips or good answers to killing my august visiting demon, pls tell me (and that is besides dying as a good solution) respond ASAP!!

Long Battle of the Genders

I am so furious right now!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like putting all dominating and egotisticly, irritating, foolishily disgusting male pro ifidfhi. Who ever said because you have a d*^k means you are better than a woman, I mean please!!!!!!! I used to think it was people that were not educated that had such a complex but I know in my life i have seen even the most educated of men display a high level of stupidity because he feels that women should be submissive and regard themselves as a level just above hired helpers at home.

I love men and this is not a general anger to all men but a high percentage of men small, tall, fat, slim,educated and uneducated alike feel the God given right to them is to be OBEYED and UNDEFILED. My anger is with some complete mongrels this morning in the bus on my way to work (please i'm bubbling like lava and my anger is erupting through my uncontrolable abusive language). the driver was waiting for a lady who was trying to make her way to the junction and meet the bus, but then some guy was shouting 'why she they waka like say she no get leg. Abeg leave am jare!!' And i simply said, 'she is pregnant, just wait' and then the mongrel said is she the first? Can't she run?' I shouted and told him to try getting pregnant and run and then omo!! check raking from the men, sth we for rack for bus.!! They were shouting 'don't talk to a man like that, he is a man'. I vexed and we were shouting and some men were on my side when they saw she was pregnant but the skunk kept shouting 'she no de look face'. Bottomline the lady got to us and begged us to stop and blamed herself for asking us to wait.

Its bad I lost my temper but why was he and 2 other men being so inconsiderate and uncaring? And that squrriel that was shouting 'he is a man' oh! i wished my thots could inflict harm. Even when a woman has power or in a position to assist a man you need to dock for cover unless you get a verbal or physical punch. It doesn't matter who is the weaker or stronger sex but pls let's call a spade a spade and not a lip gloss. A lady earning more than her partner is sometimes emotionally abused or called power drunk and domineering. She finds a job for her partner- now she thinks he owes her. A housewife calling to ask when her husband is coming home and then she is monitoring him. There are endless list of situations where fire and brimstone justify the reason why men emotionally and physically put down a woman. Struggle for independence and liberation from this societal ill has lead to a few women being bitter, angry, withdrawn or even violent just to get emancipation. Though to be fair there are a couple of the ladies who are an itch.
What makes a man be like this? Why is truth supposed to be silent when coming from a woman? Why has there been no explanation or solution to this battle? Did they have a secret men's seminar or workshop to educate them on insatiable quest for power? And most importantly - Who died and made them leader of the 2 genders?
Don't even try the biblical side to the story cos you will see a mad black woman in your face.

does love still exist?

A close friend of mine asked that question this morning while we were chatting and I quickly replied 'Yes!!'. When a person asks that question in my opinion it almost means they are doubting its existence. I believe in it now 'cos i am in it. Truly in it!!! But as the hours passed I thot of the question and a time when I didn't believe in it or at least thot it happens but will pass me by. I figured I would be always be on a bench with 5 oda pple and every1 gets touched by it but i'm the lone ranger left sitting. My theory was 'Nothing lasts forever', so if couples can't grow past their anger, quarrels and other negative aspects, then my theory is proved right and so therefore love don't exist. Silly i presume, but i will take cover by saying I was young and as I got older I wanted to know that feeling but feared it cos of stories that had painful,heart wrenching and bitter endings.

Man U (real name not given to protect the innocent) is the rthymn my heart beats for, it wasn't an easy journey to get to where we are and believe me when i say rough roads to love but the point is I stayed and He stayed not becos we couldn't leave but I think it was that small voice. If you stay quiet you'll hear it and she (the voice) told me this time was different from the other times I did my impulsive break ups.
Love can be onesided and that is a deep knife in the heart that is - loving someone who can't love you back. If death was a healing vacation spot, you'ld opt for that than spend another moment swimming in a ocean with no sign of land. It's hard to understand you can want to offer someone your world and more and they either refuse (with persistence) not to accept your offer or they in an act of mercy accept but in the long run crush your heart with their bare hands.

I think its honorable to not toy with someones heart and I also recommend to drag ur goodwill intentions with you when a person refuses your pledge of love, IF NOT YOU HAVE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME. Love exists, it really does but you have to be able to read the signs so you dont suspend yourself in a space continium of wishful love. The law of love by ME is some people will find love quickly, a few others will search a bit harder to find their missing rib, a couple of people will fall into a shitty relationship but if they can get themselves out of it and are not too broken to be positive they will find someone and sadly there are people who may not find it because they do not compromise, nor accept friendship or tolerate a little less than their dreams. The bottom line is to stay positive, cos love is for everyone and I believe it. It requires patience, self honesty, being positive, prayers and more patience. Rmbr- just my thots!!

Music therapy

I love music. There is a kind of comfort, truth, consolation and clarity that different songs give me. I think I am a pessimist so that’s why I hear sanity with slow and sad songs; they seem to give me answers, especially when it comes to love. I mean check Babyface – seven seas and What if. Destiny’s child – through with love (I had an almost similar relationship). U2- One. Cutting crew- I just died in ur arms. The Corrs- One night. Madonna-You must love me. Macy Gray – Still, sweet baby. Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue – Wild rose. Sheryl Crow-strong enough. AND SO MUCH MORE. There are the few gospel songs I can listen to Kirk Franklin-Something about the Name Jesus. Don Moen – More of you. Beyonce in Fighting Temptation – he still loves me (That makes me Cry).

It’s the words in songs and the right beat, rhythm that can make my heart race and then my brain picks the message and I get mushy washy and pathetically tearful. Sometimes some songs are misleading though; let’s get this straight but if you got a level head you can tell a good message from crap. I wonder is it possible that music is self therapy written by artists who sacrifice their lives for research. I’ll explain this- it’s either their relationships crumble cause they need material for their songs or is it possible that the wheels of happy ending never spins happiness for them. They help listeners and fans through different emotions and can’t find therapy in their own words of encouragement, risk, love and reality.

Honestly, why is love sooooo complicated? I wonder what I would do without my therapy and therapist, who is always there for me. I wonder how other people get through the hell of life ON THEIR OWN without waiting for an appointment with a shrink or loosing their temper.?