I sat by the bar
drinking my 3rd glass of red wine
and then you walked into the joint.
My eyes locked on you and followed your walk to me
I was 80% over my intoxication margin
So my eyes followed you like a moving target.
The prey that would make my hot blood turn cold
When doors close and we make animals of the night
As my adrenalin rushed a sweat btwn my heated thighs.
You placed yourself on the bar stool and sized me up,
and ur greeting I replied with a muffled growl
cos my body ached for the unceremonial event the night held.
You took your time and ordered 3 shots of brandy
Then you put your perspiring left hand on my thigh as your right hand traced my face.
I was shaking, cursing and near desperation to ignore decency
And as a test you leaned in for a kiss to see and feel my face flushed with blood vessels.
I needed some contact and you played me sensually like a guitarist serenading a crowded room of ladies
wanting to be the strings and feel the macho of ur fingers
but you pulled away and stared at my tilted hanging face with closed eyes and parted lips
Ready to be drawn into a novel romance of passion.
I finally got myself out of my suspended stupidity when I heard 'we have to talk babe!'
Emm... he's neva said this before, but then again i've neva been tipsy so there is always a first-
I dreamy eyed a sentence and realized 'so sexy' is not the same as my thot to say 'so speak'
but heck who cares, not him cos he emptied his glass with one gulp
and then my state of high backed into a 25% zone cos this looks serious.
Sitting up straight and supporting my heavy head to look conscious and serious
I zeroed out the sound of pple around and the raunchy voice in my head to listen to him
and the words went on and on and on but his lips moving made me tingle and giggly in my head
but later I seemed to find the path to be sobered,
gradually I feel a quench to my fire and a squeeze on my heart.

My brain seems to be sending some codes, its like a translation
and I understand his body language, no eye contact and the flat tone in his voice
Oh men!!! This can not be happening to me, I'm surely on a 150 margin-certified DRUNK.
My heart is racing..... I'm shaking and there's a tide building in my eyes,
“JESUS!!!” I say, trying not to blink so my swelling eyes don't crack the dam
“Are you okay” he asks, “ yea, I usually shout Jesus when I’m excited that someone is trying to give me the boot and not having the courage to say it straight” I replied. He covers his face & smiles
now am fuming cos the jackass thinks I’m some form of joke.
“Hey! ... Hey!! Bartender, get me some Vodka. !!” that’s me leaning over the bar and yelling,
“Look Quasimodo, I'll love to sit and hear the drum roll, then the final words and the reverse speech of -it's not you, it’s me shit; but I gotta use the ladies pronto! Please try not to be here when I come back with my ruptured heart and sore eyes to drink myself to therapy, but if you do have more knives and the guts to stick it in my heart than my back, then baby by all means stick around.” With those words blazing off my lips I made a proud warriors match to the ladies.
(Believe me-I only stumbled 2ce and bumped into 5 people on my match)
Standing in front of the mirror I let my memory play the 3yr relationship
I struggled not to see the negative in the past years or the last 1hr 30mins,
Reapplying my eye shadow and lip-gloss before I re-enter the real world....it.....it trickled.
Seeing a tear roll-down my cheek and then touch my shoulder
made me look at my reflection again and I saw into my heart, it was shriveled n weak;
At that moment I felt I DIED.