Thanks everyone for ur comments and well wishes, we really appreciate it.
I was chatting with a friend of mine d oda day and he congratulated me on d traditional wedding, wished me well but he asked an absurd question - "Has ur friend count gone down?" He said as I change my status to married, I would soon wave a lot of my old girlfriends and boyfriends goodbye cos gradually de would witdraw and make scanty appearances n brief fone calls. But I told him I wasn't dat way wen he tied d knot becos I av a general fone n visit problem but if its chatting - no one can say I aint No. 1 chat queen lol!!! He said I was one of d few who didn't change (knowing my communicado status). Well we yada yada yada and blah blah.
Ova d weekend I was with a friend and we were generally chatting and having breakfast wen I told her dat a married guy friend of mine told me to prepare for d EXIT of some of my friends. I told her d conversation and to my heartbreaking reality she told me she has and would be guilty of doing it. I asked why? And she said that dere is a class tin - I mean like clique when married friends become funny towards dia former single friends. I wont play dumb to it but dat is all dependent on a person and d attitude de had in d 1st place. I av married friends and we all still good, infact my bestfriend got married n we still remained dat way after her status changed till she passed on. She felt rooted to her statement and it got me thinking.
If ur friend was an ass in d first place den u expect an ass after he/she gets married. But its absolutely ABSURD dat its d norm. I am upset with dis cos it seems like its an automatically activated button after someone's box ticks married. I was upset and I still am, cos it looks like a fraud of a celebration wen u come shine teeth on dat day and disappear after dat. I don't belive dere is a clause in friendship that says disengage after rings are given? Hmm... I gotta say I'll respect anyones's wish to carry on d absurd tradition but I will be disappointed at those who do.
Sorry as i de bomb na vex de do me on d mata. Wedding plans are still on d way and God is in control.
Monday, April 7, 2008
I tink its absurd!!!!
Posted by NikkiSab at 6:31 AM
Labels: absurd tradition
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38 comments:
Its a naturally thing. If you and your friends were the partying/outing type before you got married, things would change as you wouldn't be able to do that much again. After inviting you a few times and getting a NO from you they would generally avoid asking you again, also when the kids start rolling in you would have less time for your friends as the kids would really keep you busy.
You know how emotional women can be. The fact that you are married and they are not might worry them not because they ain't happy for you. Being around you may be a constant reminder of their current status, especially if you keep asking them how far now?
rmb how we used to sing this - "never mind them" dont let anyone get at u dear, i've always told you that; no be dem born you; only your folks/sibs and i can get to you....if change of stauts quo brings about change of friendship, then what was the essence of been friends in the first place; its just marriage, what will happen if you became president? then planet go move be that; if the person or his/her spouse no chase you, then why in God's mighty name will you disappear, cos if am correct friendship outside themarraige with others is the social outfit couples need....i don dey talk like say i sab wetin i dey talk....darling i rest my case, as for me i am not going anywere even if you chase me (i don talk my own)...it didn't easy to get friend so i not see how easy t becomes to loose one....FRIENDS 4 EVA
I agree it's absurd and not always the case. I've been married for almost 20 years (yes, I'm old) and have remained friends with my BFFs from way back then even though most of them are in Naija and I'm in the States. I share a history with those girls (actually, we're women now) and no newly acquired "after marriage" friend(s) can take their place. I should add that one of them is still single and one got married only 2 years ago. Basically, you make time for what's important to you no matter how busy your life gets with work, husband & kids.
I dont think its d norm, it just happens.
Some friends just stp talking 2 u n feel dy cant relate with u, others get along wit u so well n tap into ur blessing.
U no dir r diff peeps in ds world.
4rm when I had my trad wedding, sm friends decided to X me, n me I dint bother, others decided to evn b closer. U get?
Blogville cant av a peek at d gown oh, mr is stil asking n av bn like no no no. lol
Hv a lvli week dear n pls update on ur wedding prep.
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha....well, i dont really believe dat sha....so dose who do, do so for reasons best known to demselves...kpele dearie
May I congratulate you on your wedding.
I like people who are frank.
Marriage should increase the number of our friends and not reduce them, because the happiness shared is doubled.
Cheers and God bless.
Just as there are different sorts of people in this world, there also exists, different forms of friendships. I have friends that i dont hear from until i'm in school. I have friends that i dont hear from during weekdays. I have friends that i dont speak with in 2-3months but when we talk, its like we live together; like we had just seen each other last night. I also have friends that i call friends but would never pick up the phone to call.
What sort of a friend was she to you? And what sort of a person was she in general?
Its inevitable since people associate by similarities that when you get married, you gather a new set of friends and disengage from some of the old ones.
I had a bestfriend that i dont speak with eveyday like i used to. She was my like my twin before she had her child and got married. Yet we still talk now and i must admit that although i dont go out partying with her or on dinners, she is the one that is closest to me at this time.
Contrary to what some people may want to believe, most frienships arent eternal. So if she is one of the ones that believe they must exit, then thank your goodness for the good times that you have had with her.
While you do that, take note of the ones who remain and thank goodness that they have crossed yet another path with you.
Congratulations, hun.
The truth, I believe is somewhere between what UbondDa and Iruka have written. Some people will go. Allow them. And you will make some new ones. Allow them too.
But there will still be a band of friends with whom you have been through everything (well, almost everything).
And there are those you cant just dump even if you want to. Allow them?
my dear, no rake. na so life be. as 4 in my case, my friends r mostly guys. u know how it is, those who tried their luck & id ddnt work out but r still hoping dat one day i will take pity on dem & give dem small. den also, those who scored but d passage of time dat graduted us 2 'friends' instead. unfortunately, men never forget it once they've been there. 4 some stupid reason, they want 2 revisit. seeing wot daz d majority of wot my so-called friends r made up of, do u blame me if i erase dem 4rm my life once i marry?
well its common sight and i beleive its due to several factors, firstly there's a shift in priorities where your desire is to satify your husband and your family comes first. Then the societal issues whereby a married woman seen often in the company of her single friends is seen as strange and the husband most times is seen to kick against it, this many attimes have caused marital problems, hanging out with male friends without your husband in daylight and public places is even a taboo. then the issue of husband snatching etc there are different reasons and scenarios why single friends shift away, most time its out of love and understanding not hate.
sometimes the married friends too put a strain on their friends as they start refering to them as single always asking when they are going to settle down, how marriage is so good bla bla bla and how there are few or no things in common between them.
Beleive me i have seen all kinds of scenarios where other married friends are given preferential treatments or regarded highly for no other reason than becos they are married and you are single.
so it all depends too on how you treat your friends.because most times single friends get confused on how to relate with their married friends especially as they now come in a package (husband/wife)
well enuff of my ramblings.
i don't support it but these things just happen and i there's nothing a call or text can't solve.
For what its worth I just think this 'curtailing-friendship-after- marriage' thing is a mere preception and not true to life. Most of my friends are married yet we remain friends and they have not been funny with me. Admittedly, I do feel like the ones who have kids already have more responsibility than me which limits the time we used to spend time together but it doesn't make them any less my friends. When I do get married the only people am gonna cut ties with are guys who've asked me out in the past but still call once in a while to say hi. For those ones you just know the reason they call is to find out if you're now available. But I personally dont think true friendship should end when one is married. In fact I dont belive anybody does so. Just because you guys now spend less time doing things together doesnt mean you value them less as friends.
to b candid, i dnt really think its a clique thing, i agree with evry1 else...its kinda natural ur friends would sorta change cos your discussions would be different....u cnt talk n do clubbin with them that much lyk b4,u cnt talk bout one night standse.t.c ur priorities would bgin to differ.....u wud jst discover wit tym friends in general would bgin to fissle out only d "bosomest" friends will remain....wishin u a blissful n fabulous future ahead(n bouncing baby boys too)
Ubong,Hemba,Iruka,Oluwadee,Onome,O.Osinachi,Returning truth,Nimmo, F.F.Florida,Ollay,Wellsbaba,Bummy
Thank you for all your comments. I see ur diferent points of view and understand the responsibil;ity dat comes with marriage and friendship. I'll calm down and see how d road goes and I will pray for the best. I appreciate ur comments. Mwah!!
I think it depends on the friend. Maturity and personalitry have a lot to play. I have a friend (very close pre-marriage) who is now someone I only remember in memories as she got married and I believe- relocated to planet Mars mentally. I think she was 'emotioanlly immature' then or felt we had nothing to discuss which was absurd becos we lived in diff countries and only chat over the fone, even then she refused to introduce hubby to me for 2 yrs and I made it point of duty not to ask, she had 1st kid 3 yrs after marriage so she wasn't busy due to kids, hence it depends on personality and maturity of people involved....but sha, looks like u be like me, me I have to keep my friends whether single or married, agreed, jist level might change as in sumthings will never be shared wt friends but I'll still call my friends and chat every now and then...i too like jist for me to isolate myself! (did u delete my comment on last post? Why?)
i totally agree on this issue, its absurd when u feel ur narried and cannot communicate properly with the single pple...weird!
Naijachic - Your post is dere and I replied ur comment.....babe how far lol!!! U really tapped into my tinking b4 n afta marriage friendship shd continue.
Soupa ur pix is Sexy lol!!! u r right d connection is beyond status n shd remain dat way.
Thanks guys
It definitely is like an automatic button...I've heard abt this before...
I think it depends on both the character of the person who got married and the characters of the person's friends...if both parties are casual and out-going, normal relationships shd remain.
The only truthful and right thing would be that they may not call you as much as they used to before because now u have to cater to ur family...and u will also have "personal business" to attend to at nights...u don't want any late-night calls now...u have to consider ur honey...lol.
i think it depends on the friend...some friends re not intimidated by the 'marriage status' thingy
anyway...congratulations....
funny enough, that is exactly what happens when friends get married, which is why i pray that with me and my closest friends, the interval shouldnt be too long so we dont lose our friendship.
the married ones group themselves and we feel like outcast when they discuss certian issues.
i just pray i wont cut any friends out.
Sometimes its not the babes that’s the problem.
Some men believe that their wife’s single friends are a bad influence in their life so they bar them from keeping their old friends after marriage.
i dont think ur friends shld abandon u cos u changed ur status although i think things will neva be exactly the same but it all depends on ur person and u were rolling wit ur friends b4 gettn married.
Babes i am vexing o! was meant to be at ur wedding but HE refused to send me addy.
Glad it was a success! u sure looked amazing!
aIts really absurd when your girl decides to cut you off cos she got married.
It hasnt happened to me tho, most of my friends are married and we are still rolling although i admit they are always hitting me with the 'get married too' thing.
Congrats mrs lady! Happy for ya! The ring is gorgeous! when is the white wedding?
I dont think its the way it is or should be...For instance my friend fluffycutething(blogger)has been a best friend for years now...and she is in naija while I am in UK...
We chat everyday at work and call each other...we have been there for each other when we needed strenght and when we want to laugh at our stupidity..
I dont see why things have to change...I just have one more friend...her husband...and he loves me for being her friend and screwing her brain right...so if she start to kolo he can always call me to beat her up...
I think sometimes the married women drive their single friends away. Much as we are happy for you and want to hear about your husband and kids, pleeeeeeease not all the time. It's particularly frustrating when a single friend calls her married friend and she makes you talk to her one year old kid for almost thirty minutes. After that you just want to get off the phone and will think twice about calling again.
That said,I have only been married a couple of years, my best friend has been for about 7 years now but we have remained close. If it's important enough, you will make it work. My single friends are just starting to marry now,(thank God as my mother in law was getting worried)but my marrying before them didnt change anything, we still had sleepovers, saw movies together etc. I think it also depends on the husband. Some men.......
n yeah,theres alos another angle to it.....a very matured friend would b able to hang on with u even after marriage
I have heard of this madness and experienced it too. A secondary school mate of mine and I ran into another classmate. She had gotten married straight out of sec school.
We were so excited to see her and naturally asked her where she lived..she told us the general area which was close to my house. when I remarked on this and asked for her address...she then claimed that they had just moved house and that she did not know it. Okay, describe it. She c/wouldn't. So we dropped it. It's possible that her husband did not want her fraternizing with single girls.
Kinda like Frank Edoho. I read an interview where he stated clearly that he did not want single women around his wife. He said that he would rather end the marriage than to have those people around his wife. Hmmm.
na wa o
half the comments here are longer than the post sef
well, for me; a few are still sticking around but most just drift away.we see occasionaly over a bottle of drink or maybe when watching football but after that......nada
It depends on the persons involved o...
Thank you everyone for stopping by and dropping your comments.
real friends will stick around.
how u dey?
madam, update na
My sista, no mind them! Try not to take it to heart too much.
You know what? I understand the change of status thing. My recently married friend said we (her single friends) don't invite her out anymore. However, we never intended to not invite her. It's just that she keeps saying 'no' so we just don't bother. When we do go out, we usually start our outing @ night, but by the time we're starting, she's ready to go home, so wetin come be the point?
I may not be married, but I advice that you try to keep your 'regular' life, and I don't mean you should be partying every weekend and coming home at three in the morning. But just make sure you keep it fun.
No update???
Ok, who has abandoned her single friends now????
lol...email add is afrobabe@gmail
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